One Cup of Tea

Your core is important

I take many things for granted. This past weekend, I learned that one of those things is mobility.

I was lying in bed on Saturday night and reached for my nasal spray on my nightstand when I had that awful jolt of pain in my lower back. I immediately knew that something wasn’t right, but I went to bed hoping that pain would go away. Unfortunately, it didn’t. Sleep was difficult and uncomfortable; waking up the next morning and trying to move about was even worse.

This incident really emphasized how important taking care of my core is. The core muscles are essential in keeping up with many of our daily routines. And more often than not, we don’t realize how precious something is until it’s gone.

I felt very unhappy when I wasn’t able to do what I wanted no matter how simple the task seemed, like sitting down comfortably or standing up. It was also difficult to rely on Ryan to get me things, drive me around and help me up, but he was very gracious about it, and for that, I’m truly grateful. He pointed out that this experience probably gave me an insight on what some older adults go through as they age. Although it was a rather grim topic, I definitely see his point and the value in being more compassionate toward others after this ordeal.

I continue to feel better each day, but I know that I need to be careful so as not to injure my back again. I’m fortunate that this injury wasn’t too serious and that I found relief through rest, over-the-counter treatments and light walking. I’m going to commit to doing more core exercises on a regular basis as part of my overall goal to have a healthier lifestyle.

On giving…

I enjoy giving to others in various ways. I express my caring by helping people with various things. Sometimes I do so through offering financial help, buying goods, performing tasks or simply giving my support.

The problem is that I thought I was doing so without any expectations. For example, if I treat a friend to lunch, I don’t expect him or her to pay me back or pay for my lunch the next time we eat together. However, if this friend did something that bothered me, I’d feel cheated and wronged. I’d be wondering, “How come I did something nice for you and then you treated me like this?”

In other words, my feelings and actions have been centered around the idea that if I do something nice for someone, I expect to be treated a certain way.

While this may not mean repaying the favor, it’s still unsettling to know that I do have expectations and I’ve been struggling to wrap my head around this. As I write this, I find myself beginning to see how unrealistic my expectations are. I’m basically telling the world: If I do something nice for you, you had better do me no wrong. Ever.

What an impossible feat!

As human beings, we all make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes even end up hurting people we love and care about it. It’s unfortunate, but it happens. Live, learn and forgive.

Although my awareness of this issue has been a wonderful milestone, I still needed to figure out what I can do to improve this flaw in my character. I found it by watching this Mother’s Day sermon by Pastor Wayne Cordeiro of New Hope Oahu. His main topic wasn’t directly related to my current dilemma, but he mentioned the following from the Bible (Romans 13:8): “Owe no one anything, except to love each other; for the one who loves has fulfilled the law.”

For the one who loves has fulfilled the law.

I took that part very seriously and reflected on what that meant. Love is a very pure thing. We love unconditionally. And then I realized that my love is reflected in what I do for others. If my actions are filled with and motivated by love, they’ll be pure and given without expectation. Why? Because more important than anything else, we must live rightly through loving each other.

Book blog: “Everything Bad is Good for You: How Today’s Popular Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter” by Steven Johnson

I was looking for a new book to read and instead of being patient for my next non-fiction book to arrive at the library, I decided to read “Everything Bad is Good for You: How Today’s Popular Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter” by Steven Johnson. Ryan had bought and read the book some time ago and happily said I could borrow it.

The author posits in this book that things that we consider “bad,” like video games, TV, movies, the Internet, etc., are actually “good” for us. Over time, we’ve become able to handle greater complexity in understanding these forms of entertainment. It’s a fascinating argument that’s worth paying attention to.

Although Johnson makes raises an interesting point, I found this book to be an incredibly difficult read. The main problem was that many of the games and TV shows that he mentioned were foreign to me. I don’t play a lot of games nor do I watch a lot of TV. Being a little clueless about what he was referring to in his examples made it difficult to fully understand what he was trying to communicate.

Another issue I had was that this book is much longer than it needs to be. As I kept reading, I found myself wondering how much more could he say about this topic. The repetitiveness of the book made it challenging to finish because I’d fall asleep after a few pages.

I was tempted to stop reading the book and find something more interesting to read, but once again, my policy about finishing books that I start held strong and I powered through. Is it time to reevaluate this policy? Many would say yes, but I’m not quite ready for that yet.

Families are like bamboo

I attended a funeral last Saturday and the Buddhist reverend who officiated the service has a wonderful message to share with us. It was very simple, yet full of meaning.

He explained that when he was growing up in Japan, his family’s temple was near an area full of bamboo. His older brothers declined when asked by their parents to care of the bamboo. As the youngest child, the reverend was willing to take on the task. He learned through his duties that bamboo roots are all connected to each other underground. He told us that they’re just like a family — you may not see the roots that connect everyone, but they’re there.

It was a wonderful story that I’ve since shared with others and hopefully now it’ll reach more people. I really appreciate the reverend’s wise words and will keep them in mind.

“White Ashes” by Rennyo Shoshin is also commonly recited at Buddhist funerals and I’ll end this post with it.

When I deeply contemplate the transient nature of human life, I realize that, from beginning to end, life is impermanent like an illusion. We have not yet heard of anyone who lived ten thousand years. How fleeting is a lifetime! Who in this world today can maintain a human form for even a hundred years? There is no knowing whether I will die first or others; whether death will occur today or tomorrow. We depart one after another more quickly than the dewdrops on the roots or the tips of the blades of grasses, so it is said. Hence, we may have radiant faces in the morning, but by evening we may turn into white ashes.

Once the winds of impermanence have blown, our eyes are instantly closed and our breath stops forever. Then, our radiant face changes its color and the attractive countenance, like peach and plum blossoms, is lost. Family and relatives will gather and grieve, but all to no avail.

Since there is nothing else that can be done, they carry the deceased out to the fields. And then what is left after the body has been cremated and has turned into the midnight smoke is just white ashes. Words fail to describe the sadness of it all.

Thus the ephemeral nature of human existence is such that death comes to young and old alike without discrimination. So we should all quickly take to heart the matter of the greatest importance of the afterlife, entrust ourselves deeply to Amida Buddha and recite the nembutsu humbly and respectfully.

Book blog: “Where the Heart Is” by Billie Letts

“Where the Heart Is” by Billie Letts is a very touching novel that I really enjoyed. I’m beginning to find that I like fiction much more than nonfiction, however, there’s value in reading both types of books, so I’ve been alternating between them.

This book tells the story of a young girl who was left behind at a Walmart by her boyfriend while she’s pregnant with their child. She ends up raising their daughter as a single mom, but is also surrounded by an intriguing community. She gets to know residents very well and they all pull together to help her raise her child. She, too, ends up helping them in various ways.

It’s not a very typical story, which is what made it interesting and fun. It emphasizes the importance of realizing that the world is much bigger than we are and we all play a part in helping to make it better. It makes you realize why we need to work together and care about each other.

The book also takes you through so many emotions and events — life, death, love, violence, a natural disaster, music, etc. In that sense, the story is very “real” because those occasions occur regularly in our lives and we’re constantly dealing with them. The wonderful thing is that we often have help, just as the protagonist does.

As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” That’s what this story is all about.

There’s also a film of the same name that’s based on the story.

On catching up…

I met up with a former classmate of mine for lunch yesterday. It’s hard to believe that a few years have already gone by since we were MBA students at Chaminade University of Honolulu. The best thing that happened to me during the year and a half that I spent earning that degree was meeting wonderful people like her.

We’re constantly going through a state of change. Priorities, goals, families, jobs, hobbies — you name it, it changes. I changed a lot while I was working toward my MBA. I grew both personally and professionally and the kinds of relationships I developed and who I developed them with changed as well. I met some of the finest, brightest and conscientious people in the course of 18 months.

I’m so grateful to be able to keep in touch with these friends. When you’re all faced with similar struggles in an academic environment, like passing accounting or studying for your next exam, you learn to pull together as a team to help each other out. You build strong bonds with your peers and those bonds are not easily broken.

Today, I have several close friends from my days at Chaminade. We may not see each other often, but we still text regularly. I know how they’re doing, what they’re up to, where they’re working now, how they’re personal lives are, etc. We also manage to get together for lunch or coffee/tea here and there, and those times are the most meaningful.

Given the changes we experienced as MBA students and how the program changed us, the time we spend together catching up over a meal or drinks are incredible. The way we think is such that while we may not always agree, we respect each other and we can easily understand where the other person is coming from. Many of my friends and I are rethinking a lot of things right now, like whether or not to return to the classroom, our current jobs, future careers, relationships, families and our overall outlook of life.

With the mutual respect and compassion we have for each other, it’s no wonder why these relationships are built to last and why they mean so much.

Here’s to a lifetime of wonderful friendships with amazing people! Happy Aloha Friday!